Mark Vaile said what?

The A.L.P. is not a bunch of burglars. They might be many things (including the party that should be in government) but they are not burglars. I’m a burglar. I steal money when I play Monopoly. Lots of money. I can’t say I’ve played Monopoly with any member of the A.L.P., but I imagine that they don’t steal money when you’re not looking. Of course, I don’t always steal money when people are not looking – sometimes I steal it when people are. It makes it even more amusing.

And for Mark Vaile to go on and say that the A.L.P. is after the Coalition’s “family jewels” is a bit strange. I think the last thing the A.L.P. want to get their hands on is the rod and tackle of a bunch of old or really old politicians. Ok, I know what he really meant, but someone should really keep these country yokels up-to-date with city slang.

And, finally, cricket analogies are always fraught with disaster. One reason for this is because Australia has the world’s best cricket team, so it doesn’t matter if you bring “your rookie fieldsman up from deep fine leg and put him in first slip” when “You have just bought on your fastest bowler and he has taken a new ball”. Why? Because all Australian cricketers (excluding Stuart MacGill) are great catchers. You wouldn’t find MacGill down at fine leg anyway, so you don’t have to worry about him. Anyway, I’ve seen Gilchrist take many a catch that should have been first slip’s, so another reason not to worry.

How is it that the Democrats are about to go extinct, but the National Party is still going strong? I know the answer, it’s just a rhetorical question …

Thomas.

Question series

This latest one is one of those email/ forum posts that got passed around on a regular basis:

Your Life: The Soundtrack

Open your MP3 player, switch it to random song. Fill in each blank with the first song that comes up.

I usually avoided doing it because it seemed like a time waster. Now that I’ve done it, I’ve realised that I was right – it is a time waster. But I found it a bit of fun. And it’s definitely one that you could do whenever you’re bored and get different results. No doctoring here – all of these songs came up randomly (except for one – I got a sound clip from Arrested Development which didn’t count).

Opening credits: ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ by Joy Division
Waking up: ‘Boss of Me’ by They Might Be Giants
Average day: ‘Tainted Love’ by Soft Cell
First date: ‘20 Good Reasons’ by Thirsty Merc
Falling in love: ‘Falling’ by Roy Orbison
Love scene: ‘Stuck in the Middle with You’ by Steve Miller Band
Fight scene: ‘It’s Over’ by Roy Orbison
Breaking up: ‘Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head’ by B. J. Thomas
Getting back together: ‘Tip Toe Through the Tulips’ by Tiny Tim
Secret love: ‘The Magical Mr. Mistoffelees’ by CATS
Life’s okay: ‘Rock DJ’ by Robbie Williams
Mental breakdown: ‘Tuesday’s Gone’ by Lynard Skynard
Driving: ‘Angry Young Man’ by Billy Joel
Learning a lesson: ‘Only the Good Die Young’ by Billy Joel
Deep thought: ‘Daysleeper’ by R.E.M.
Flashback: ‘Take Me Home Country Roads’ by John Denver
Partying: ‘The Girl’ by The Monkees
Happy dance: ‘Walk Like An Egyptian’ by The Bangles
Regreting: ‘Working For The Weekend’ by Loverboy
Long night alone: ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’ by Diana Ross and the Supremes
Death scene: ‘Enola Gay’ by O.M.D.
Closing credits: ‘Always Something There to Remind Me’ by Naked Eyes

I’ve remember another one of these things that you pick the actors to play the roles in your life. I think that will be the follow-up to this. And now you all know just some of the music I listen to. Trust me, it gets a lot more random when you see the whole list of songs on my MP3.

Thomas.