20 to 1 was quite good this week. It generally is, unless they get ridiculously stupid people (Find: Mr. Gary Anderson) to comment, a good, thought-provoking show. This week: ‘Mysteries and Conspiracies’. There’s just one problem: they didn’t ask Thomas, who has all the answers, the right answers, to all these so-called mysteries and conspiracies. So, for anything who thinks that they will never get answers with these things, I’ll tell you what happened, and your hearts can rest content that you have Thomas’s answers, which are guaranteed to be right.
20. Is Elvis alive? – Nope, though I wish the opposite.
19. American divers – Silly, uneducated, Australian school drop-outs left them out there.
18. Private Jessica Lynch – Yet another example of the American propaganda machine.
17. Harry (The Lovechild) – Yes, though I don’t want to besmirch the name of Princess Diana
16. Jack The Ripper – Francis Thompson; case solved.
15. Bigfoot – Nope.
14. Death of Marilyn Monroe – CIA had her killed (I believe this).
13. Ghosts – Don’t exist.
12. Natasha Ryan (wardrobe girl) – What’s the conspiracy? Send her to gaol.
11. Phar Lap – Americans killed her.
10. Area 51 / UFO’s (sightings around the world) – There have probably been UFOs, but were government tests, not aliens.
9. Schapelle Corby – GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!
8. Y2K Hoax – Hahahahahaha, nerds getting their revenge on the stupid.
7. Bermuda Triangle – Nothing there except water. When something crashes into water, what else is bound to happen?
6. Princess Di Murder Cover-Up – No cover-up, only paparazzi murder.
5. Patanela – Pirates.
4. Da Vinci Code – Soooooooooooo fake. Fiction ladies and gentlemen, fiction. Well, no, Jesus I accept existed, and he may very well have had a kid, but there’s nothing special about Jesus.
3. Loch Ness Monster – Nope.
2. J.F.K Assassination – There was a man on the Grassy Knoll, and there was a man in the book depository, but neither of then were Lee Harvey Oswald, and both (not taking into consideration the other shooters that were there as well) were CIA agents.
1. Fake Moon Landing – Not fake.
There you have it. If you get anything from this (apart from the fact that I know everything) is that you can’t trust the CIA. Or American media. Or America as an institute.