Contrasts (of sorts)

I just finished watching YouTube clips of a couple of films. Of note, there was one called Dead and Breakfast, which is a parody of zombie movies. You could go so far as to call it a zombie musical. A lot of the narration is done by a country and western singing zombie in full regalia (hate, boots, jeans, western shirt). Also, there’s a scene where the narrator is playing with a complete bluegrass band and the rest of the zombies are dancing along in a very undead sort of way. Very funny. I saw it on SBS when they were having their ‘Zombie Zone Season‘ on Thursday nights (I think it was Thursdays). I only watched this one because I saw an ad and it had dancing zombies. How can you seriously turn that down?

The clip above is 1:39, so if you didn’t click it because you thought you would be wasting a whole lot of time, I’d like to know what you can do with 1:39 at your computer that could be any better than watching zombies dance.

Anyway, I was watching clips from another film called Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter. Made with a budget less than my bank account (OK, $100,000 might be a little more than what I have – but only a little) it has all the trademarks of being a concoction thought up during tedious maths classes in high school.

At first, I didn’t believe a movie called Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter could possibly exist. It sounded so ridiculous to be true. Then I went and Wiki’d it, and this is the more ridiculous plot summary it had:

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a 2001 cult film from Odessa Filmworks which deals with Jesus’ modern-day struggle to protect the lesbians of Ottawa, Canada, from vampires with the help of Mexican wrestler El Santos.

Like I said, a concoction thought up during maths lessons. What else are straight guys in Catholic schools thinking about in maths? Jesus, lesbians, and vampires, right? I didn’t go to a religious school, so you can take out one of those.

I went looking for the trailer, or some sort of clip video, that would confirm that this movie actually existed. After all, you can put a page up on Wikipedia for just about anything (say, a trophy?). And I found a clip video with (supposedly) the best scenes going. There were more videos, but this one was the best because it had:

  • It had a rocking theme song about Jesus coming to kill vampires (“He came from Heaven/ With two stakes in his hand”);
  • A prophetic moment where Jesus is explaining his mission with the use of sandcastles;
  • Fighting lesbian vampires on the beach, in a gay bar, in a local park (after going out for firewood) while wearing his robes for the most part (I don’t mean he gets naked, rather he goes in disguise as a ‘commoner’);
  • Jesus getting a hair-and-beard cut, ending up with killer sideburns, and then getting his ear pierced (they actually show this @1:00, so if you’re squeamish, skip past 0:59 to 1:05);
  • A talking bowl of cherries and ice cream.

I think this film wasn’t just a poke at horror flicks, it was also a poke at itself. It looks so ridiculous and silly, and with a plot to boot, that it can’t be taken seriously.
All the while, I’m thinking back, and I don’t remember any riots by Catholics of effigy-burning by Christians when this was released. No reaction like a certain set of cartoons. I guess it’s just a contrast of things.

Thomas.

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