A very therapeutic post

Over the weekend, it actually set in – the nerves and the trepidation over this holiday. Not long ago, I wasn’t remotely nervous. But then around last Friday I started getting a bit jittery, and then Saturday when I first started telling customers at work that I wouldn’t be there next week (and, credit to the ones I like, they were actually interested and wished me well), and then I caught up with my friends for the evening, where we played video games, got some food out, played some blackjack, and went bowling, it set in.

This is the first holiday I’ve gone on my own – no family, no friends, no family that I’m going to see overseas. I’ll be meeting a friend over there, but I have to get through my tour first. The friends who were there on Saturday would have noticed that Thomas was in a strange mood. I was … well … feeling a little wary. Maybe even a little scared. My boisterous and over-the-top demeanor wasn’t at full force. I was rather tame I think. Well, there were probably two reasons for that (as Andrew, who was in attendance, will know), but one of them was certainly the holiday.

Today, my last day at work, when I woke up I was worse that Saturday. It’s getting very weird. When I got in to work, I worked so hard and so fast just to distract myself from thinking about the holiday. Not that I don’t want to be, but I’m so excited and nervous about it that I lose focus. Then, and it was probably the most wonderful thing to happen to me at work, I got a card from one of my fellow employees who had filled it out along with the rest of the people who work there. I was told later that a couple of people said “Why? He’s only going a month?” – true. But the gesture from the people who didn’t complain will not go unrewarded.

Importantly, my boss signed it without complaint. Almost eager to sign it I was told. He also sincerely wished me a good trip and requested I stay safe because I would have a job waiting for me, one which they needed me in. I don’t regularly toot my own horn … yes I do. And that’s another example of it.

I went and saw Phantom, as blogged here, and when I left the house with the family (my parents and sister went with me) I was … well … social with them. It was a good time – because, weighing on my mind, was the fact that I was going on this holiday. The car trip in, the standing around and waiting, the intermission, then tea, the walk around, and the drive home were all hassle-free (which is very rare), humour-filled (even rarer), and enjoyable (once in a million years). Both my parents were acting the same way as before my European holiday last year, so I suspect they might be feeling the same as I am. Maybe worse – their eldest venturing out to do something on his own. A first out of their children.

Anyway, I don’t know how much worse the nerves will get from here on in. I suspect that it will get worse after I get tea with Andrew and the Pope, and then meet up with another friend through the week for lunch, then have that ‘farewell’ dinner that is planned for myself, my parents, and sister. Who knows how bad it will be at the airport. I hope once I get through the gate I will be able to put it aside and embrace the excitement and the experience. I should be able to.

Thomas.

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