News headlines

(Note: A rare guest entry from an even rarer blogger. Thomas.)

A note from Mr Rabbit: My esteemed friend Thomas will give his account of our late trip to Newcastle; and we know it will be both thorough and entertaining. I, being more concerned with the minutiae of life, submit this guest entry, “Newcastle News Headlines”. For “Newcastle”, you could substitute any of our fine regional centres or larger country towns.


Lead Story: Caramello Koala shoplifted; presumed eaten

2nd story: Car alarm accidentally goes off in Charlotte St; residents stirred from their afternoon naps

3rd Story: Lawn left unmowed in Emily St; Tidy Town Alliance “distressed and confused”

* Ad break: 5% off all lace products at The Craft Bazaar *

4th Story: Little old lady falls over; pantyhose ripped in two places

5th story: Mayor says New Year’s Eve firework was “a great success”

6th Story: Man runs orange light

* Ad break: Stan’s Autos, Wallsend — “If you don’t buy at Stan’s, you’re probably a Pinko Commie Sydneysider *

Consumer Watch: Corner shop selling expired fruit juice. “I knew those bloody Chinese shopkeepers were dodgy”, says local war widow.

In Finance: Man fills up at petrol station; realizes he left discount voucher in other jacket

* Ad break: Big savings on knee-high socks at Best and Less *

Sports Report: Under 9’s final spoiled by inclement weather. Hacky sack game enjoyed by all. Man loses golf ball on challenging Par 4.

Weather: Continuing normal until Monday.

Just before we go, some breaking news: Concerned citizens descend on Emily St “eyesore”; give lawn “a good cutting”.


2 thoughts on “News headlines

  1. Excellent form, Rabbit!

    I am sure Jim Belshaw’s pieces for the Armidale Express are not quite in this vein. 😉

  2. Pingback: Farewell Matty Hayden « Deus Lo Vult

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