This entry doesn’t come much after the first one in terms of when it happened. It was when I was in Year 2, so a mere 16 years ago. I remember Year 2 because, at the time (all of 6 years old) I had some sort of fascination (some might term is a ‘crush’, but what the hell does a 6 year old know about that sort of stuff?) with my grade teacher then. He name had changed between years 1 and years 2 (not that I had her in Year 1, but I had known her name). It went from Black(something) to Peterson. For some reason I have it in my mind that it was the result of a divorce, but I am not really sure that that is actually the case. But regardless, that was my class teacher. I can actually remember the room we were in, and remember it to be a dark and dank room. But that might be influenced from what this entry is about – because I only remember the room because of the event.
I was sitting on an island table; four tables pushed together to make a table for 8 students. I suspect that the teacher had it drilled in that this is effective pedagogy, facilitating peer discussions, communication, easier monitoring, and team work. But whatever, that was it. And, for some bizarre reason (it certainly wouldn’t have been out of my own choosing) I was seated among a number of girls. One of which was Sammy O’Day. I don’t remember any sort of friendship existing prior to this exchange, but there certainly wasn’t one resulting from it.
Then again, they say that kids throw rocks at the other kids they like. So maybe Sammy and I really liked each other.
You see, throughout this day we were putting thumbtacks on each other’s chair. So if you weren’t careful, you sat on the tack and you’d have a tack in your ass. Not-so-harmless fun, but I distinctly remember it being quite entertaining. There were laughs and exchanges of some description as one would get up and come back and check their chair, take it off and wait for the next person to leave. I took part – I may have even started it – and it was all good fun and games.
Until someone sat on the tack.
I had to go up to the teacher with my work for some reason. I certainly wouldn’t have got in trouble – I was alway a kiss-ass through primary school – so it would have been for some help or for something to get handed in. Anyway, I went up with my sheet of paper and did my business. Coming back to the table, I must have forgotten that we were playing the ‘don’t sit on the tack’ game because I pulled out my chair and sat down.
And never have I ever moved quicker than that moment in my life.
I sat down and jumped straight back up. I had a freaking thumbtack tacked through my shorts and had gone in far enough to pierce the skin. It wasn’t literally stuck in the skin, but it had gone in far enough to hurt like hell. I jumped off the chair, went into the desk, and then just fell to the ground, grabbing at this tack. I pulled it out as everyone looked to see what the commotion was. Sammy – the culprit – was laughing hardest (granted the whole island table was laughing and, eventually, the whole class). I looked up at her, not happy at all for this embarrassment. The teacher asked what happened, I pointed the finger at Sammy and ratted her out. Sammy tried to explain herself, but I feigned no knowledge of having taken part (probably starting) in this game of ‘thumbtackery’ and insinuated it was a malicious attack on me. I think this is where my ‘creative explanations’/exceptional lying skills stem from.
Sammy was kicked out of the class for the remainder of the day. I was tended to as best could be done, and then sat back down. The class was all a murmur immediately after, and probably the rest of the day. I remember that it also hurt to sit down.
After lunch, there was some new work that needed doing that required class explanation. Sammy was back in the room, listening to what was being said. Spotting her, like the fink I am, I stuck up my hand and reminded the teacher that she had banished Sammy from the room earlier, but here she was back in the room. I was abruptly reminded that she would need to listen to this explanation in order to actually do the work and I should also just pay attention and not try to run the class. Sufficiently reprimanding me, the teacher returned to the class explanation.
For this, Sammy O’Day has made the list. On the surface, it would seem that she’s only caused me physical pain – and even that was momentary. However, I also got in trouble from a teacher. I also suffered mental anguish at the hands of embarrassment from my fellows students. And, above all, I believe that this is where my ‘uneasiness’ around females probably started. It will get built upon as the years go by, but I just don’t know if I go to buy a woman a drink now that they are not going to put a tack on my chair if I got to buy them a drink. I just can’t be careful enough.
The punishment I would advocate for Sammy is to have grown up to be a woman was a very large posterior so that she not only has to contend with that physically, but also has a heightened risk of sitting on something sharp and unwanted. Thanks to Facebook, I have been able to see what has happened to this person. Having had nothing to do with her since leaving primary school, I located her (certainly didn’t give her an auspicious ‘friend invite’) and had a look into her current state. And she is well one the way to having this punishment become a reality. She’s a chunk at the moment, and she’s going to be a big chunk in the future. So I feel somewhat vindicated at the moment.
I just hope she sits on a tack one day …